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A thought on fainting and alternate dimensions… As someone who has on occasion fainted quite he…

A thought on fainting and alternate dimensions…

As someone who has on occasion fainted quite heavily, I had a thought in the wee hours of the morning, about what happens when you faint:

I remember vividly what I saw and felt each and every time I went “under.”
It felt like I was there for hours or even days on one occasion, and back in the waking world it was mere seconds, sometimes just a minute.
Could this be an alternate universe? A parallel plane?
Is a window opened and you are shown a view on your life in that other dimension?
Does this moment show you who you could have been, if you’d made different decisions?
Where you would be, who you would be with?

Tastes, sounds, smells and sights are all so clear and crisp and real when you are “over there” and absent from your “usual” life.

Surely this is a momentary tear in the fabric, a breeze blowing open the cat flap in the backdoor of the universe, that shows us how our other self lives?

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Letting go. Moving forward.

A few nights ago (restless and unable to sleep, as my husband was away) I lay awake thinking about where I’ve been and what I’ve done and where I’m going.
I realised that my days of equestrian photography are pretty much over. I still get the occasional request for photos from shows I was at, but I have not photographed a horse in a good few months, in any capacity.
Those days are over, I suppose, and I need to move forward and decide where I want to take my photography. What genre appeals to me now – what do I have access to that others don’t?
It was both a very sad thought and quite exciting too.
Luckily, I find I am drawn to various types of photography now and this makes me happy, as I have a great deal of access to these inspirational and challenging ideas.
Architecture – old and new.
Military – memorial and modern.
Travel – I am living in Europe! There is so much to see!
Landscapes and natural environments – I am surrounded by breathtaking vistas, from rural farms to snow covered mountains and dark forests. Fairy tale stuff!
People – I find my candid (and often, sneaky) photographs of people rather appealing!
Food – I am discovering a new love of cooking and baking and I am _trying_ to remember to take photos of my creations, before they are devoured.
I also still love taking photos of animals (birds, snakes, dogs, cats, anything that moves into my viewfinder) and that will never change – just the location :)

So, while I have, sadly, lost touch with the equestrian event side of my photography (where I learned my most valuable lessons) because of moving away from the hub in Cape Town – I can say that I have a lot to discover here, and a lot to learn and Europe has a lot to offer.

Just needed to write that down.
Thanks for reading.

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It’s just a phonecall – a few minutes of hearing his voice – and it brightens my day. Doesn’t mat…

It's just a phonecall – a few minutes of hearing his voice – and it brightens my day. Doesn't matter how short the conversation.

I miss him already – it's only been just over an hour since we said farewell.

Two calls and I'm beaming like a teenage girl.
He is my sunshine.

It feels like a Monday, because he left early in the morning and I took G out with me to say goodbye and we went for a run, like we normally do on a Monday morning.
I think it will feel less "normal" this evening… when he isn't coming through the door and hugging me and hugging G-Girl and telling me all about his crazy day at work, asking what's for dinner and throwing his uniform jacket over the back of the chair.

I can't even bring myself to move his chair. It's still in the same position it was when he sat there to eat his breakfast and put his shoes on early this morning.

It's amazing how much of a huge empty space he leaves when he's not with me. How miserable I am when he's gone.

The silence. More the lack of conversation and comments and "look at this, babe" and standing in the kitchen chatting with me while I make dinner, or breakfast. That takes up such a lovely space in my life. Our little moments, as mundane as they might be, they all mean something to me. To us.
I cannot imagine my life without him now.
The thought of it leaves me feeling sick inside. Hollow and cold.

I cannot imagine how a widow feels. I never want to have to understand that.
If I feel this immense ache when he's only gone for a little while (And he's coming BACK) I don't want to experience the pain of losing him. In any way.
Selfish, I know.
He is my other half. He understands me (mostly :) ) better than anyone else.
We are very different, but we are also very similar too. It's wonderful.

I am a lucky woman, to have him in my life.

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Verbal Hodgepodge and Things That Went Before.

Upon hearing my (rather pathetic) reasons for not updating my blog with a _proper_ post about where I have been and what’s been happening in my life up to this point, my friend Steph suggested a wordy “drop box” of all the things I want to talk about.
That way, I get them all out there, and it doesn’t matter if they are not in chronological (or even LOGICAL) order. I can at least give an idea of the drama and awesomeness that has gone on in my life.

This sounded pretty darn on the button for scatterbrain moi.

So here goes!

* We adopted the most incredibly beautiful and intelligent dog called Gina. She is a Berner Sennenhund (Bernese Mountain Dog) from Augsberg. We were lucky enough to connect with her current owners, who are moving to China and (due to various reasons) cannot take her with them. They adore her, and it was a hard decision to find her another home, but it’s what’s best for Gina. It all worked out, as they like us, we like them, and Gina ADORES us :) On Saturday (the 14th April 2012) we will have had her with us for 3 weeks – but it feels like we’ve always had her. She fits into our lifestyle so well, and is getting fit with me and having gobs of fun with my husband (who she is absolutely smitten with) as he rough houses with her when he gets home and they get up to all sorts of mischief when I’m not looking. She is quite a small example of her breed – which is strange because her mother and father were apparently ENORMOUS, even by Berner standards – but that suits us fine, because she fits into our apartment quite nicely :) And on our bed too!  We are teaching her “search” games (as that’s what her breed is bred for, mostly) and other “nose” games. She is very smart and picks up the games very quickly. We are moving on to more complicated games all the time and she keeps excelling. She is amazing.

* After all the issues with paperwork (Home Affairs and USCIS) we finally got everything sorted. I got my command sponsorship (well, partial) and on November 6 2011, landed in Frankfurt early in the morning. My darling husband was there – just as happy to see me as I was to see him. It had been a LONG long journey for us to get to that point and it was a wonderful feeling to be walking with his hand in mine, leaving the airport without that sinking feeling that the “holiday” was counting down. I was at last here for good. With my best friend and comrade in adventure and partner in mischief.

* My husband had to pay for my ticket with his own money (don’t even get me started on the Army reasoning for that) and so he decided to surprise and pamper me with a business class seat on Etihad Airways. What an awesome experience! I got a sleeper seat, next to the window (when they saw the plane was not full, they asked me if I would like to move from the middle to the window – I jumped at the chance) and you are nice and ensconced in your little world. I was not feeling so great (inner ear issue from an infected sinus – delicious, I know – and I had barely slept the night before) by the descent to JHB airport and I knew I was in for a rocky ride. On the flight to Abu Dhabi, I watched a few movies and ate some delicious food, but was dreading the descent to land. I tried to sleep a little bit, but despite the flat sleeper bed, I could not get comfortable and my head started to pound. As expected, the landing made me quite green – we were in a smallish airplane and I felt every tiny fluctuation in the air. Or so it felt! I lost my orange juice after we landed. My ears were ringing. It was not fun. I then began the 30 minute hustle from one side of the airport to the other (gate 87 to gate 5) gate in time. I was told they were “strict” about being there on time, so I really did rush. It was BOILING in Abu Dhabi, and this was at 10pm at night. I was drenched in sweat, and still feeling woozy and nauseous. I was so very tired. I took off my layers (I had prepared myself for German Winter, remember!) and waited outside the gate lounge area- as they were running late on another flight and our passengers had to wait “Away” from the gate.  Finally, with 5 minutes before apparent take off (clearly they are not THAT strict) they hustled us in. I went through security (they glared at my tattoos *shrug* I’m used to that, though) and perched on a chair to wait for boarding, with all my belongings strapped and tucked around my body. I was scared that if I put anything down, I would be too tired/woozy to remember to pick it up. Plus, to be honest, I did not like the look of some of my fellow waiting area passengers. They were waiting for the other gate (6) and bound for Pakistan. I got more glares from them, but I didn’t care by that stage. One man even made a hissing sound at me when he decided to come and sit down (his wife had to remain standing with their baggage and 4 children of course) so I just smiled at him with my best “eff you” smile.  At last, they had the airplane ready (a nice big one this time) and they called the first and business class passengers up to board. I got in line and when I got to the counter, they checked my boarding passes (all printed in CPT without a hitch) and there was much panicked gabbling in Arabic to each other. Inside, I sighed. Eventually, the woman spoke to me and explained that the business class had been overbooked – so they were putting me in FIRST CLASS! I was pretty thrilled about that! I didn’t complain, just said Wow, thanks! Took my boarding pass and trotted off down the long walkway to the airplane. The air steward looked at my pass, and then at me (I was wearing my usual traveling gear – Billabong soft pants, long sleeved light linen shirt, and Puma shoes – my hair was up in a messy pony tail and I don’t wear makeup – especially not to travel!) and then back at the boarding pass… She smiled politely and called the First class attendant to come and sort me out. She was great! In a short conversation later, as she settled me in to my PRIVATE CUBICLE with LEATHER seat that folded down into an almost full length, wide bed, I found she spoke 7 languages and had a PhD in Social Anthropology. Not just a pretty face (and she was very pretty) then. She gave me my pajamas (yes, you get your own set that you can take home with you) and complimentary chocolates. Offered me champagne (I declined and also declined orange juice, as I was still feeling vaguely ill from the last glass) and asked me to peruse the menu for dinner before I changed and settled in. I decided to stay in my clothes – I was just too tired to even think about moving now that I was seated in this comfortable chair. The menu was incredible, but I was not feeling well at all and I really just wanted to sleep. When she (I think her name was Aryana or something like that – I’m afraid my ears were still ringing and I was pretty much dead on my feet by that stage, so I didn’t listen as well as I would normally) heard I was not well, she fetched me still water, a cup of tea and some good solid bread with pieces of tomato and cucumber and hummus. I ate a little bit, but felt like I wouldn’t keep it down very well, so limited my slices. I drank the tea and sipped the water. When all the other passengers were on board, they came and cleared everything away, stowed my excess bags and hung up my coat and scarf. Take off was super smooth (nice BIG plane – plowed through the air like it was nothing) and when we began leveling off, I put my DND sign on, dimmed all my lights in my little private heaven, and slept for 6 hours. I woke up as I felt we started to descend. I felt SO much better. That’s my issue with flying – I don’t sleep, and it’s downhill for me from there. I switched off my sign, and almost immediately my personal attendant was there! She offered me a menu – but I said I would just like some toast and some more tea. She obliged in minutes. She cleared it all away and we landed about 5 minutes later. So that was my first (and probably only) experience in First Class. It has now spoiled me for any other class of travel. Wow. I would love to fly like that EVERY time I got in the air. That would be amazing. I better get rich and famous then, right?

* We go for our final interview for my green card (immigrant visa) at the beginning of May. That’s just a few weeks away. I have been sorting out the final bits and pieces for this – medical screenings, x-rays, blood draws, vaccinations, antibody tests – and it’s all coming together. Wish us luck!

* My husband was promoted to Sergeant, and I was thrilled to be there, and part of his ceremony. This happened only 2 days after I arrived! I was still feeling a bit surreal. I was very proud – gave him a good smack on the chest when I put his new rank insignia on too. It’s tradition!

* SNOW! I finally saw some! However, it has been a very mild Winter and it only snowed for 3 or 4 days altogether. Not all at once either. We had a couple of days in December, and then a couple in January and that was about it. I was rather disappointed. Then we had a rather early start to Spring and everything blossomed like crazy after about 2 weeks of very warm weather (I’m talking in the mid 20 degrees Celsius - which is very warm after weeks of -14 with max temperatures of about 4 degrees Celsius)

* We have traveled a bit, but not as much as we hoped – but we still have some time left in Germany so we will make the most of it. We have been enjoying the sunny weather (as have all the Germans here in Wiesbaden) and found some new and interesting places to take a walk with Gina. The Germans are awesome about dogs – they treat them as part of the family, so they are allowed pretty much everywhere in Germany: Hotels, shops, restaurants. German people are also very outdoorsy people (like Capetonians) so there’s LOTS to do around here in Spring and Summer, and then other things to do in Winter. Never a case of “there’s nothing to do” when you live here! There’s a chance we are moving to Baumholder at some point in the next few months – so that will be a whole new adventure! It also snows far more there in Winter – which I will look forward to! I might even get a chance to learn how to snowboard this time! There’s also a chance we will be moving to Belgium – that’s still up in the air though as to when that will happen. Either way – it’s going to be awesome and I look forward to the next challenge.

* My husband also reenlisted, recently. I was very proud of him. It was his decision, in the end, but I told him (and I meant it sincerely) that I would back him 100%, no matter what he decided. So another 3 years for my special man. I’m all in. Both feet, running. I have his six.

* My photography started out a little slow here – mostly just me shooting the area where I lived and the changes in weather as seen from our apartment windows. Luckily, my husband put my name forward to be photographer for a rather exciting opportunity: I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and pushed my skills to the limit, taking photographs of the demo of the Combat Life Saving course run at the Viper Pit. He was part of the demo for some high ranking Army officials so I got to see him in action for the first time as well. He really is exceptionally good at what he does. I was so proud to see him at work. I was then invited back a few weeks later to take photos of a group of German Bundeswehr troops going through the whole CLS course at the Viper Pit. That was truly exciting and interesting – and pushed my skills even further, as I had to take photographs in almost pitch black, with thick fog, while standing on a (fake) blood covered floor strewn with bodies and body parts. I also tried not to get in the way of the soldiers as they dragged bodies and bandaged wounds and put on tourniquets.

* I started studying! Through the MyCAA program (for military spouses) I gained access to various courses and I decided to get my Certified Pharmacy Technician diploma. All paid for, including exams, as a “portable career” for a military spouse, by the US government. Go USA!  It’s been nearly 20 years since I left school. So my brain was a little out of practice – but it didn’t take long before I was churning my way through each chapter. The first 10 or so were pretty easy – mostly common sense really. Now comes the interesting stuff! More of a challenge too. It’s great to be using my mind again, after so long a hiatus.

* I haven’t found any horses around here, that I can ride, so I have bumped my fitness in other ways. I am fully committed to my running (and with Gina, I have actually pushed myself even harder as she sets the pace now) and I would like to run a 5km race in the near future. I just need to work on my distance a bit more, and keep my pace. My trusty Nike Air’s are still floating me along very well. I am also a newly hooked yoga addict – I do that on days when I am not running. It stretches me and tones me in ways I never thought possible! I also bought myself an exercise ball, and a pair of dumbbells (1,5kg each) which I use on the days when I do yoga as well. I mix and match sessions so that I don’t get bored – as that’s my main block against exercising regularly. I feel healthy, and fit and happy. Even without the horse riding. I don’t have sixpack abs anymore, but I have lost a lot of my wobbly tummy and my thighs are toned too. I feel good!

That’s about all I can think of now, to drop in the hodgepodge, so I will end it here before I ramble on too much.

Thanks for reading!

 

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This is awesome for my friend! Welcome to aural clarity, Steph :)

This is awesome for my friend! Welcome to aural clarity, Steph :)

[en]. Last Friday, I stepped into a small shop in the mall near the motorway exit. I walked out with two magic amulets. The moment I started wearing them, I started hearing sounds like I had never hea…
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So tired of our ridiculously loud downstairs neighbours. They slam everything (the only people I …

So tired of our ridiculously loud downstairs neighbours.
They slam everything (the only people I know who can slam a door OPEN)
They bash and crash and THUMP around.
I cannot even imagine how loud they must be to the people in the apartment BELOW them!
They do EVERYTHING at MAX volume.
And I mean everything
It pisses me off.

Screaming child. Screaming mother. Shouting i-think-it's-the-father. Screaming friends.
Shouting. Fighting. Throwing things.
Loud music.
Loud EATING. Loud conversations. Loud sex.
Loud EVERYTHING.

So glad we are moving soon.

I'm a very patient, very laid back person – but the people downstairs are really pushing me to breaking point.

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Awesome.

Awesome.

Yes, it exists. Soft kitty, Warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, Sleepy kitty, Purr, purr, purr. [Buy it here: The Big Bang Theory Soft K
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Er. Wow. New Google+. Give me a moment to get my brain around it. Wow.

Er. Wow. New Google+.
Give me a moment to get my brain around it.

Wow.

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She’s definitely part of our family.

She's definitely part of our family.

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Gina has my husband wrapped around her (large) furry paws.

Gina has my husband wrapped around her (large) furry paws.

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