Category Archives: memories

animals, life, memories, photography, relationships

Day Three and the secret pond

It started out way too early. It was Odin’s final “test night” in the crate and he went in willingly enough, but around 3am he got very restless and I _think_ he was whining, but I don’t really know (my ears ring when the pressure changes and sometimes I can’t hear things at certain wavelengths :/ thanks, head injury) so I thought maybe he needed to to poop as the last time he went was much earlier in the day, around lunch time. So I very tiredly got up, got G and Az’s collars on in case they wanted to go down and got the little man out of his den and took him down. He peed, and we wandered around for about 10 minutes, but apparently he didn’t need to… so then I went back up, got Azzie, took her down… then Gina… and then came back to bed and put him back in his crate. I wasn’t willing to take the chance just yet, because he’d not pooped. He went in just fine, with a big sigh though.

We all went back to bed for an hour or so and then I definitely heard him whining, and he was very restless. This was around 0600. Which I suppose is the “normal” time for him to go to the loo (if he was still back where my husband found him, that would be when he would be taken outside) and this time he DID go! I made a BIG fuss and gave him a treat and fussed him some more after I picked it up.

Gina and Azzie were WAY too tired to go down again – they stayed upstairs and Gina didn’t even move from my bed. 🙂

Now, I left him out of his crate and he settled down with a big happy waggy body and tail thump, on Gina’s bed. I was still “alert” for anything weird, but I managed to doze a little bit and the girls snored their heads off in the bedroom with me. Ods didn’t even move from the bed 🙂

So tonight is the night… he can stay out of his crate – as long as he poops in the evening before bed.

We’re still working on the trust. It’s only day three of the adventure.

This morning’s walk! WOW! What a GREAT one!

The dogs STINK, they are dirty, muddy and happy and very tired 🙂

DSCN1732 DSCN1735 DSCN1738 DSCN1740 DSCN1742              DSCN1840 DSCN1850 DSCN1857 DSCN1858
DSCN1747DSCN1751DSCN1757DSCN1766DSCN1789DSCN1790DSCN1804DSCN1805DSCN1809DSCN1818DSCN1837DSCN1762DSCN1838I decided to give the whole traveling in the car together thing a try this morning – daring, I know. Didn’t QUITE work out the way I wanted, but it worked. On the way to the secret pond, G and Az took up the whole back seat, as they like to, so poor Odin had to sit in the back/boot – don’t worry the top is off, so he could sit up and look out (which he did a few times – but he can’t sit up properly yet because of his back leg) and he was fine.
On the way back home, Odin hopped in after Azzie (she was in her usual spot behind me) and then lay down, because that’s what he does. He doesn’t understand sitting up with his head out the window… yet.
So I asked Gina to hop in the front on the passenger seat. She did and then climbed across to my side, but I managed to get her back on the passenger side and in a comfortable sitting position. She likes to lie down on the way home though, so she wasn’t QUITE as happy as I would have liked. She rested her whole head and neck on the window so she could snooze.
But the walk! The walk was AWESOME 🙂 Odin is definitely part Galgo – he wanted to RUN RUN RUN and chase Azzie all over, but his leg was too sore, so he would start running, have fun and then realise he was sore so he would come to me and whine at me. We took a lot of breaks, but had a lovely walk and he ALMOST got into the secret pond to swim 🙂 Next time, I’m sure he will! Even though he’d never been to this area before, he was very confident and happy – especially at Azzie’s side.

As you will see in the videos – he is FULL of energy and playfulness – and that makes my heart warm 🙂 I’m sure it will make my husband happy to see it as well.

He did get away from me, but didn’t run away, just chased Azzie around until they both got too tangled to carry on.

Azzie was much kinder to him and raced around a bit, and Gina played with him on numerous occasions and tried her best to get him into the pond with her 🙂

A GORGEOUS walk. I kept it short, as I didn’t want to overexert him and it was also quite warm, so I didn’t want to make the girls too hot.

 

Here are some videos – it’s hard to hold the little camera steady while being dragged off all over the place, but I did my best.

A bit of a hodgepodge, as that’s how the compression software put them together.

 

 

 

 

 

animals, life, memories, military, people, photography, sewing

Step Away

So. I did it.

2 Days ago I finally pressed the “delete account” button for Facebook.

Day 3 of Life Without Facebook and I have to say, I still have the habit of sitting down in front of my laptop in the morning and think of clicking the link to check my FB, but it’s waning very quickly. This morning I didn’t even open up my “daily” folder.

I opened email, checked Ello, and then had a chat with some friends on slack (new school IRC, basically – same good old friends and channel though) and continued with my day.

Sunday means dog park play date, and I also made breakfast for my husband who is on 24/7 duty for a week. Fun stuff.

We headed off, breakfast warm and cup of fresh coffee in hand for him too. Dogs said hi, we hung around for a little bit and then met our buddies at the dog park for an hour and a half of running around in the mud and rain. It was great. Dogs were great.

So I am _slowly_ getting used to Life Without Facebook, and I am starting to slip into a _new_ life routine. It’s pretty cool actually. I have moments though, I will admit, where I think about it… but it passes and I move on.

I was on Facebook for 10 years… seems both shorter and longer. I was a beta tester, so I got to iron out the bugs and see it change. Not all changes were for the better. The recent influx of complete idiots (this new generation is just unbelievably stupid… seriously) has also soured it for me. And the privacy issues and copyright issues and the whole limiting access to your network unless you pay them… just nicked my “mafioso” nerve and I’ve just had enough I think.

I had a lot of excuses/reasons for staying on, but I was brutally honest with myself and realised that the people on Facebook would do fine without me – my rescue organisations would be taken care of by my good friend Nicole (Even more so, as she’s a volunteer at many of them too) and my Berner groups are so large now they would barely notice the absence. Besides, my husband is still on it and he’s still in the groups, so he will let me know if I miss anything.

I haven’t posted photos in a long time, and I removed all my information a long time ago.  So it was no big jump. Just a few moments of heart fuzz and then it was all over.

I still have about 11 days left to “change my mind” until they actually delete all the information etc… but quite honestly – I don’t miss it.

I’m getting back in touch with the “old school” – even writing letters by hand (just to my mom for now, but I’m happy to write to anyone who wants me to) and living my life for ME.

Hoping my inspiration will blossom again – for my photography, my sewing, my running, my yoga.

It does feel like a weight off my shoulders. I don’t know why, as I was not really very involved anymore (only checked it once a day for 5 minutes) but it does feel like I’ve let go of something that I didn’t need. Which is a nice feeling. If a little scary for me (if you ever have time to listen, I can try and explain my “unable to sever” dreams/daydreams/thoughts) generally.

Life goes on, and so do we.

 

Stay frosty.

 

 

life, memories, people

Silence is not always bad

Doing this #100happydays thing with a few friends – where you try and find at least one good thing about your day.

It’s been… interesting. I will admit that I skipped a day, or two. Not because I couldn’t find anything to feel happy about, but simply because my brain has enough trouble remembering things that help keep me moving each day and I just forgot completely to “take a shot” of something good.

I wanted to take a shot of my dog’s poop – that’s when I realised that I needed to think again. Reason being – my dogs have been so sick for so long, that seeing a “good” poop from them made me happy beyond words. Seeing it consistently for the last few days has really kept a lightness to my heart. Also, seeing Gina’s new energy level and playfulness (like when we first got her!) and Azzie calmness and happiness, makes me feel bad for them that they were sick for so long.

It’s still slow going – taking it a day at a time with this – but they are definitely getting better and this makes me HAPPY!

A happy fur mom.

Azzie has another issue that we now need to deal with – but it’s not making her sick and it doesn’t affect her in any way other than it embarrasses her and makes a little mess. Doesn’t happen all the time, of course – almost random, really – so it’s hard to sort out. Going to try something natural first, before we hit the drugs. Just waiting for it to arrive in the mail.

Husband has been gone “on mission” for a little bit and will be gone for a little while longer. I miss him, of course, and the house is silent without him – especially in the evenings and on the weekends when we let our hair down and listen to music, watch movies, laugh about things or he plays his games and gets loud and silly and has fun with his friends online.

But sometimes, it’s alright, the silence. I focus on things that I would normally ignore – me, for instance, and how I am doing.

Some people find it hard to understand that I really don’t mind being on my own. I’m never “alone” – just, not in the company of people. This is fine with me – I like my own company. I can say/think what I want when I am with me – no filter necessary to either tone it down or make it understandable to other humans. My husband gets me better than most, I will admit, but even for him, some of the things that come out of my mouth, from the depths of my dark mind, even he doesn’t always understand it.

 

I’ve had more memories return, as well, from my youth. It seems 10 years is long enough to keep them locked away and now they are starting, slowly, to resurface. I’ve “dreamed” a few – but I know they are _real_ not just my usual vivid dreams. I “remember” them when I wake up. Things come back to me. I have been a little… saddened I guess is the word, by some of them. Because I could not (cannot) remember most of what happened to me before the accident, when things come back and I can understand them better, see them from an older and wiser perspective – I see things now that I was completely oblivious to when they happened.

One of the memories nearly woke me screaming the other night. I woke up with jaw clenched, hands clenched so hard my nails dug into my palms. I was sweating profusely and my heart was beating so hard I felt like I was going to vomit. And my head hurt so badly I couldn’t move it. My husband slept on, so I am assuming my “noise” was all internal. Which is fine. It’s not a memory I wanted to share, anyway.

 

Head injury, and PTSD, affect us for so long after they happen. Sometimes the recovery can be painful – not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too. New pathways are formed in our brains, which means new ways of seeing things. Some of the things can really suck.

Luckily, one of the good things that came of my head injury, PTSD, and subsequent recovery is that I am very strong, mentally. I am also very close to myself. If that makes sense. I know _me_ and I know what I am and who I am and what I can and cannot handle. So, while I feel like I wasted my youth trying to have things I could never have, be with people who didn’t want to be with me at all, or get myself into situations I should have been smarter about – I learn something from every memory that comes back.

Any fellow sufferers who read this – hang in there. Don’t give up. Be strong. Be yourself. Trust yourself.

 

life, memories, people

meh

4 Comments

Been thinking some more about my deadline (Friday) for deactivating my Facebook account (and other sundry peripheral social media accounts) and pondering what would, in fact, be the best option.

Complete deactivation? Or simply a very pared down version – remove all “likes” and peripheral groups that I do not interact with in any way? Check it only once a week, to forward on animal rescue group posters etc?

I know I don’t have a large audience, with this blog, but I know there are some thoughtful and intelligent people who might be able to offer some comments on this matter.  I know of a few people who have bandied about the idea of “quitting” Facebook.

I want to, I really do, but I know I would feel badly that the good work I can do with networking lost/found dogs and dogs looking for loving homes would be stopped. I know of at least 4 cases where my “share” has led to a happy ending for the dogs (and cat) in question.

 

On a completely different tack – I love the clothes that Lucy Liu wears on “Elementary” – I am pondering a “style change” for myself – I’ve been “this way” (whatever _this_ is) for so many years I don’t even know what I was like, style-wise, before. Of course, the head injury doesn’t help with my recollection of my past. I simply.. CANNOT remember.

I know I borrowed clothes from “friends” – because I could never afford to get my own clothes, and I wore a lot of handmedowns. But other than that – I have no recall of that time.  Probably a blessing in disguise, right? I did, after all, grow up in the eighties.

Thankfully, I know I couldn’t AFFORD to be trendy, so my fashion sins are fewer than my acquaintances.

 

On another note: IT’s SNOWING!!! FINALLY! Been snowing for hours, but nothing is sticking yet, as it’s still too “warm” for that. Hoping it continues overnight, so we can have a nice blanket in the morning for the dogs to play!

life, memories, people

My Friend Lizzie

My New Zealand friend Lizzie (aka Elizabeth Charleston) has been through hell and back. We met many many years ago in Cape Town, and for many reasons (our mutual love of horses, the outdoors and being awesome) we became friends, despite all the crap going on in our lives.

A few years after my massive head injury, she suffered one herself (her horse fell on top of her, causing many injuries, including the head injury that basically stopped her life in its tracks) and we found ourselves consoling, complaining and comparing reactions and stress factors and triggers. Her friendship helped me overcome some terrible psychological issues thanks to the PTSD from my head injury. When she came back to Cape Town for a short visit, we spent quite a few mornings sitting on the stoep (porch) of the house on the farm I was watching for a friend – sipping tea and watching the early morning mists rise off the grass paddocks and the Guinea Fowl flapping and dancing in the dew covered grass. These quiet mornings were therapeutic for both of us.

She’s been through some rough times since then (a secondary knock on the head set her back quite a bit) but she bounced back, and is slowly (as all head injury sufferers will understand – slowly is the best way, or the wheels fall off) climbing back on the (proverbial!) horse of life. She is a staunch advocate and spokeswoman for  THINK! Head Injury Awareness in New Zealand and has made huge ground breaking steps in both removing the stigma of this “invisible” injury and making people more aware of the help they can get, and the steps they can take to live a “normal” life.

She just started a blog and I wanted everyone to check it out – she’s only written one post so far, but that’s the way it goes 🙂

She is an interesting and clever woman – just give her a chance to “recharge” 🙂 – not to mention one of the most beautiful women I know 🙂